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unhappy new year

#26 2014-01-02 4:04am

JPinFL
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Re: unhappy new year

Dude...now is the time to worry and take care of yourself.  As a parent of a 20 yr old and a 16 yr old, I completely understand always wanting to make sure that your boy is OK and is on the right path. But this time...let him figure it out. You worry about making sure that your health is OK. It seems that you have spoiled this kid rotten his whole life.It's time to sspoil yourself bro.

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#27 2014-01-02 5:28am

HaroSickness
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Re: unhappy new year

man, this just blows. If you don't mind my 2 cents id say just give him a few days to think about life then reach out to him and let him know that although your not happy about the situation you still love him and your ready to talk anytime he is and remind him that your always gonna be there no matter what he does. college and all that other stuff is important, but maintaining a relationship with your kid is above all the most important as im sure you know.


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#28 2014-01-02 5:44am

Burning River
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Re: unhappy new year

Hang in there man . Think how we were when we were 18...I know I was an out-of-control Skater , doing pretty much as I pleased , but still had a part-time job to have my own money before I moved to Columbus for College . Hard as it may be , just be there for him . He's lucky to have you and my own son is 10 and growing fast and I've thought about your situation all morning .

I'd give anything to have my Father back , well before he decided riding for a Motorcycle Club and Heroin were more important than his real family . He's in Prison now , and I haven't talked to him since I was 12 and have no plans to . Being a Father now myself I promised at a young age that no matter what if I had a Son I would be there for him in any way I can .


" Some may never live, but the crazy never die. "

     ~ Hunter S. Thompson 

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#29 2014-01-02 5:57am

JPinFL
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Re: unhappy new year

Burning River wrote:

Hang in there man . Think how we were when we were 18...I know I was an out-of-control Skater , doing pretty much as I pleased , but still had a part-time job to have my own money before I moved to Columbus for College . Hard as it may be , just be there for him . He's lucky to have you and my own son is 10 and growing fast and I've thought about your situation all morning .

I'd give anything to have my Father back , well before he decided riding for a Motorcycle Club and Heroin were more important than his real family . He's in Prison now , and I haven't talked to him since I was 12 and have no plans to . Being a Father now myself I promised at a young age that no matter what if I had a Son I would be there for him in any way I can .

Props man for not following in your father's footsteps. A perfect example of learning from a bad situation & knowing what to do & what NOT to do. Not many people do this. So many times I've seen guys (I refuse to call them men.) use their father's bad ways and/or poor upbringing as an excuse for their own bad ways. Breaking that bad cycle is what a real man does.

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#30 2014-01-02 6:06am

Burning River
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Re: unhappy new year

Thanks , yeah my Mom was an amazing woman as are the rest of my Family . I got lucky . I love Motorcycles and had 2 of them but never wanted to join a MC like he did . He was busted for Drug Trafficking and Weapons along with Attempted Murder and it spiraled-down for him and he ended up with 30 years . The President of this club was at our house when I was 9 and it was so weird to see a Gangland episode years later about the club .


" Some may never live, but the crazy never die. "

     ~ Hunter S. Thompson 

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#31 2014-01-02 8:22am

72ss454
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Re: unhappy new year

Dan, at 18, I was his father, so no being a typical 18 year old.  I went from graduation to working production in a metal building manufacturer. Worked and went to college, got my associates degree, was promoted to purchasing agent. Was laid off due to downsizing and went to work in production at one of my former vendors, a fastener supplier, to keep insurance. Left there for the courthouse and only stayed for the benefits of being a state employee.


I keep buying and selling, so I guess I wasn't happy with the four I had left.

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#32 2014-01-02 11:57am

Burning River
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Re: unhappy new year

I forgot how old you are...lol . I know you are very responsible . I guess I was more getting at the general attitude of being an 18 year old .


" Some may never live, but the crazy never die. "

     ~ Hunter S. Thompson 

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#33 2014-01-02 11:58am

Burning River
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Re: unhappy new year

*Double Post .

Last edited by Burning River (2014-01-02 11:59am)


" Some may never live, but the crazy never die. "

     ~ Hunter S. Thompson 

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#34 2014-01-02 12:00pm

72ss454
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Re: unhappy new year

Dan, I am 36 going on 70 if you ask the doctors, going on 12 if you ask my girlfriend.lol

Some good news, no neck surgery, yet. Bulging disc at C-5 and C-6, but my T-1 that was broke healed without problems.


I keep buying and selling, so I guess I wasn't happy with the four I had left.

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#35 2014-01-02 12:06pm

Burning River
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Re: unhappy new year

That's good news . This year the age of 37 I'm feeling every injury I've had skateboarding since the age of 13 . lol


" Some may never live, but the crazy never die. "

     ~ Hunter S. Thompson 

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#36 2014-01-02 12:19pm

72ss454
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Re: unhappy new year

I'll hit 37 in May. Since September, I have had to relive every injury from 1987 to today. BMX, skateboarding, soccer, football, dirt bikes, and the dumbest purchase/hobby, a Yamaha Raptor 660 four wheeler. I flipped that one once and it didn't hurt except the weight I had to push off of me. Skateboarding killed my right arm in one accident when I snapped the bicep tendon and tore my rotator cuff. Football ruined my knees as I have hyperextended my left knee six times and my right over two dozen times. Left is relatively pain free, but my right is a constant ache. Both wrist are weak from all of the above.

Man, I sound like I need to be strapped in bed, but I still get up and work my desk job and landscape during the weekends. My doctor I saw this morning said my 2-3 on the pain scale is typically 7-8 to a "normal" person.


I keep buying and selling, so I guess I wasn't happy with the four I had left.

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#37 2014-01-02 12:40pm

polterdeal
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Re: unhappy new year

man, I'm so sorry to hear bro. I'm also a single father (of twin 6 year old girls)... I had full custody for 3 years after our seperation. But we are 50-50 now. I would be a hair above suicide if my girls left me full time.

as other have said, we were all know-it-all idiots at 16,17,18.... hopefully he'll realize how good you've had it for him and come running back.

I wish you the best man. Stay strong.


"Why do I need a bag for my dimes?" asked a wise man once...

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#38 2014-01-02 5:50pm

Roy Munson
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Re: unhappy new year

http://eightiesmovies.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/overthetop1.jpg

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#39 2014-01-02 5:56pm

phishfarm73
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Re: unhappy new year

Hi Roy what are you doing?


BMX Patriots!

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#40 2014-01-02 5:59pm

hotrod
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Re: unhappy new year

TuRBo Todd wrote:

Just keep doing the right thing...let him know you'll always be there for him, and pray things work out for both of you.

Best advise.Im a dad as well sucks you are going through this.  Let him see the life isnt what he thought. Dont give up on the boy just wait and listen.


"the impossible just takes a little longer"

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#41 2014-01-02 6:05pm

Roy Munson
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Re: unhappy new year

Furthering my education.

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#42 2019-09-19 8:27am

72ss454
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Re: unhappy new year

Just stumbled across this old post.  I wish I could say things are better, but the last six years has been full of ups and downs, but mostly down in the unknown.  He let all the scholarships go to waste.  Went to the local community college for two years and then transferred to UAB and has still not graduated.  Probably in a lot of debt with student loans.  Has been working at Starbucks.  I rarely hear from him or see him.  I have fought multiple episodes of depression.  The woman I was dating when this all started and I got married and then separated and divorced thirty days later.  I spent a lot of time in the local bars.  You know, the typical downward spiral.  Left the State job to go work for the same company I worked for right after high school.  Started in an entry level position, but worked up to the head of  technical scheduling.  Then a few weeks ago, they decided to move all of scheduling to Texas and I was promised multiple positions that was better, but then I get a call from HR telling me they have nothing and I need to do the leg work to secure my own future in the company as they would hate to let me go as I was a hard worker.  I ended up getting a job in another department, starting back at the bottom, again.

The good news is I have a wonderful girlfriend who is drama free and low maintenance.


I keep buying and selling, so I guess I wasn't happy with the four I had left.

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#43 2019-09-19 10:58am

perront
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Re: unhappy new year

Damn, I wish things were better for you.  At least you have these (this) guys (guy) to laugh with (at)...
https://bmxmuseum.com/user/76485
https://bmxmuseum.com/user/244810


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#44 2019-09-19 11:18am

oldnky
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Re: unhappy new year

perront wrote:

Damn, I wish things were better for you.  At least you have these (this) guys (guy) to laugh with (at)...
https://bmxmuseum.com/user/76485
https://bmxmuseum.com/user/244810

That is some kind of funny right there!

Op, sorry things didn’t work out better. Go for a ride on that new Fit-22, get some fresh air and exercise and take perront’s advice. smile

https://bmxmuseum.com/forums/viewtopic.php?id=403279

Is always a good read.

Last edited by oldnky (2019-09-19 11:22am)

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#45 2019-09-19 12:46pm

72ss454
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Re: unhappy new year

I'm doing as best I can.  You have to force yourself not to think about the giant hole missing from your life, but I have finally made it to a point where I can function like a "normal" person.  I mean, five years and I still have a mild case of depression with a side of anxiety.  The few members who have met me, met a guy with an outgoing personality.  I still have most of it, but the thought of going anywhere out of my county gives me anxiety.  I haven't been out of the state except for one business trip to Texas in 2015.  My girlfriend is understanding, but has convinced me to go to a few concerts around Alabama, so it has helped a lot to ease me irrational fear of leaving Cullman County.  I just bought tickets for a concert in Atlanta next August to see Green Day, Fall Out Boy, and Weezer.  Ten minutes later, a co-worker gave me the pre-sale code for a free Weezer Concert in Birmingham next month.  So we get to see Weezer twice. 

I have learned not to try and initiate a conversation with my son as it will go ignored, but every so often, he will send me a text and let me know what is going on in his life.  It is impossible to explain the whole situation as I still do not know what caused this.  I have 99 theories, but no facts.


I keep buying and selling, so I guess I wasn't happy with the four I had left.

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#46 2019-09-19 1:36pm

oldnky
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Re: unhappy new year

How much if any contact does he have with her?

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#47 2019-09-19 1:44pm

binman
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Re: unhappy new year

72ss454 wrote:

I'm doing as best I can.  You have to force yourself not to think about the giant hole missing from your life, but I have finally made it to a point where I can function like a "normal" person.  I mean, five years and I still have a mild case of depression with a side of anxiety.  The few members who have met me, met a guy with an outgoing personality.  I still have most of it, but the thought of going anywhere out of my county gives me anxiety.  I haven't been out of the state except for one business trip to Texas in 2015.  My girlfriend is understanding, but has convinced me to go to a few concerts around Alabama, so it has helped a lot to ease me irrational fear of leaving Cullman County.  I just bought tickets for a concert in Atlanta next August to see Green Day, Fall Out Boy, and Weezer.  Ten minutes later, a co-worker gave me the pre-sale code for a free Weezer Concert in Birmingham next month.  So we get to see Weezer twice. 

I have learned not to try and initiate a conversation with my son as it will go ignored, but every so often, he will send me a text and let me know what is going on in his life.  It is impossible to explain the whole situation as I still do not know what caused this.  I have 99 theories, but no facts.

Fight your reluctance/fears a little bit every day, you will eventually beat them.

You need to just send a message to your son every now and again, texts, birthday cards and the like. That'll let him know you still care, even if he ignores it. You can't force him to reply, that's his decision and out of your control. You've done your bit, as it were, and there is no point expending energy on something you can't control.

The fact that he will occasionally send a message to you shows that he remembers who you are and what you are.

It'll take time but I think he will come round. Even if takes as long as him having his own kids to see the importance of his father.

Enjoy the concerts and I hope it works out. Be lucky, brother.


Conan, what is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of their women!
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#48 2019-09-19 2:17pm

perront
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Re: unhappy new year

binman wrote:

72ss454 wrote:

I'm doing as best I can.  You have to force yourself not to think about the giant hole missing from your life, but I have finally made it to a point where I can function like a "normal" person.  I mean, five years and I still have a mild case of depression with a side of anxiety.  The few members who have met me, met a guy with an outgoing personality.  I still have most of it, but the thought of going anywhere out of my county gives me anxiety.  I haven't been out of the state except for one business trip to Texas in 2015.  My girlfriend is understanding, but has convinced me to go to a few concerts around Alabama, so it has helped a lot to ease me irrational fear of leaving Cullman County.  I just bought tickets for a concert in Atlanta next August to see Green Day, Fall Out Boy, and Weezer.  Ten minutes later, a co-worker gave me the pre-sale code for a free Weezer Concert in Birmingham next month.  So we get to see Weezer twice. 

I have learned not to try and initiate a conversation with my son as it will go ignored, but every so often, he will send me a text and let me know what is going on in his life.  It is impossible to explain the whole situation as I still do not know what caused this.  I have 99 theories, but no facts.

Fight your reluctance/fears a little bit every day, you will eventually beat them.

You need to just send a message to your son every now and again, texts, birthday cards and the like. That'll let him know you still care, even if he ignores it. You can't force him to reply, that's his decision and out of your control. You've done your bit, as it were, and there is no point expending energy on something you can't control.

The fact that he will occasionally send a message to you shows that he remembers who you are and what you are.

It'll take time but I think he will come round. Even if takes as long as him having his own kids to see the importance of his father.

Enjoy the concerts and I hope it works out. Be lucky, brother.

Definitely this, although it may be painful.  Without going into too much detail, before he died, my brother took his son's aloofness and apparent lack of motivation personally, which seeped into the attitudes of other members of my family.  As a consequence, a number of my family members (including myself) are more or less estranged from him.  He's only 20 and trying to figure life out in the wake of a lot of family-related sadness and chaos, so he's entitled to more empathy than he's currently getting.  Not saying that empathy doesn't require effort, but putting forth that effort is absolutely the right thing to do.  We're with you, buddy. smile


44T BMX Club, Chicago -- USA-MADE SINCE 2010
Beware of my alter ego, PLANTAIN -- "If there's one thing I won't guarantee, it's your safety!"
Luther Is A Good Ol' Dog Club -- See you at the Rainbow Bridge, my friend!
Ford Mustang — what a dance we had!
Free AgentFree AgentBontragerTNTBossSupercrossSkywayKappa GTProfileProfileELFRobinsonRobinsonPowerlitePowerlitePowerlitePowerlite...and "non-BMX" SchwinnSchwinnSchwinnSchwinnSchwinnWorksmanGT!
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The warrior embraces all around him. The desire to kill no longer exists. Only peace remains. -- King of Qin, Hero

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#49 2019-09-19 2:20pm

72ss454
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Re: unhappy new year

oldnky wrote:

How much if any contact does he have with her?

He moved in with her and has been living there ever since.  I still believe it was a jealousy thing.  She had another son with her third husband and I feel he was losing his spotlight.  I know he was/is an adult technically when this happened, but I feel it was tough not being around his mother as much as he wanted.  I never refused to let him see her, but for the majority of his life, she had moved to Birmingham.  When this happened she was living in Cullman County again, but they now live in the middle in Gardendale.


I keep buying and selling, so I guess I wasn't happy with the four I had left.

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#50 2019-09-19 2:28pm

Woodmaster
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Re: unhappy new year

72ss454 wrote:

In Alabama, the age is 19.

He has everything. It is all about college and him thinking we will not allow him to go to Auburn. Hard to explain, but he has never been told no or maybe and that is my fault. If he chose Auburn after seeing the cost difference, then we would have done whatever it took to make sure he went. However, he has done a lot of secretive things, hidden the stuff from Auburn, and flat out lied to us for the first time and it all started in September.

Sounds like he really wants to go to Auburn and is willing to burn bridges to keep you at bay. You won't get him to understand sacrifice, especially if it's something he hasn't had to experience. Kids and young adults understand consequences, ultimatums, cause and effect. Keep calm and be smart. He wants to be a man, let him see quickly shit unravels. Make your position clear. Keep it between him and you, no one else. Maybe it's time to let him make some mistakes. Just my twocents. Being a father, I can tell you that trust is number one, if you don't have that, you need to start over. If that trust has been betrayed by you, you need to rectify it immediately. Figure out why he wants to go there so bad and find a way to corrupt that. These things have a way of working out in time, your real job is damage control. Take care.


Side? I am on nobody's side, because Nobody is on my side, little orc.
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